Bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh

This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman…

I love a feminist man because his love for me is pure. He loves my womanhood,  celebrates my humanity and embraces my imperfections.  He places my entire self at his level, and our equality is not to be compromised.  He believes that we were both created in the same beautiful image–from his rib I was birthed because without me his existence was far from complete. My feminist man lets me choose the role I want to play not because he’s a punk, and bends to my every command, but because part of our equality includes freedom and freewill endowed to us by our creator. The role I choose so happens to be one that allows me to cater to, create with and provide for. It also allows for him to be in the kitchen with me because it’s a task without support I can’t seem to enjoy. My feminist man doesn’t tell me what I should do or not do because I am a woman, and for that I am thankful.

My feminist man’s love for social justice is matched with my passion. We speak against the bigots, the sexist, the abusers and the wrongdoers with the same tone–fierce, with love, sans condemnation and with truth. He argues against why my sisters should be slut shamed, why my black sisters should be equally worthy as my other sisters, and why we should all #fuckthepatriarchy. When my sisters are sexually abused he doesn’t look to what they were doing, how they did it or what could have been avoided. He looks to the perpetrator, and demands justice. He doesn’t get brownie points for being a feminist because it’s not something he does for show. He does it because he believes it’s his way of life. In fact he doesn’t label it feminism because equality doesn’t need any other name.

Together we fight against misogyny and misandry that pollutes our community. We believe the hate and animosity keeps us from achieving the most important tasks of loving our neighbors, breaking through barriers that keep women at the bottom and confines us in boxes to be opened for sexual purposes. We fight against these things because a united front is necessary to get what we believe is deserved all in the name of equality.

My feminist man and I make plans to have a future. We plan on having Sean Bell’s, DJ Henry’s, Trayvon Martin’s, Rekia Boyd’s, Renisha McBride’s and Jordan Davis’. Black boys and girls who lives matter. We plan on raising them to ask for help without the fear if being shot in the back,  playing loud music that helps them get into the groove, and wearing hoodies that keeps them comfortable. We plan on teaching them to give the utmost respect to all of humanity regardless of the differences that exist. We don’t plan on raising martyrs, but fighters, survivors and truth sayers that will change the world.

I love a feminist man because the worth that I carry is not only contained in my vagina, but in my mind, soul and spirit.  All these things indeed make the most passionate/explosive night, but also a passionate speech, a Voir Dire and a winning POTUS campaign (lol). I love a feminist man because he is an educator, humanity lover, community warrior and family builder. I love a feminist man because it’s my choice.

En tout cas,

Me

Giant Slayer

Have you ever had to face the daunting task of confronting your giant(s)? How long did it take before you stopped running from the inevitable? Did you mask it with happy thoughts or destructive behaviors? Did you cover it under a pile of rubbish? Did you just pretend that they did not exist? Did you fall into a dark place because the thought of facing the giant(s) was too frightening? Are you embarrassed about asking for help because you feel others will undermine how big your giant really is? We’ve all been there. We’ve all encountered some situation where we felt overpowered. Your mind becomes completely clouded, and you begin to lose all focus. You don’t know where to turn, what to do, and where to even begin piecing it together.  When things really start to hit the fan you may or may not begin to internalize it all, lash out at those that matter the most, demonstrate obsessive compulsive behaviors when trying to figure it out, or just hide in plain sight. Does this sound familiar? Do you feel a little warmth in your chest because you feel as though you are exposed? Welcome to the battle zone warrior.

I wish I had some sort of natural remedy to avoid these giants that we face. I wish I could tell you that fighting these giants is as easy as collecting 5 stones, and destroying the giant at the first attempt (See David and Goliath). I also wish I could tell you that all giants eventually disappear. I could tell you, however, that these giants turn into demons. These giants haunt you more than any scary movie watched in the dark, alone, and locked up in a basement could ever haunt you. These giants consume you, and scar you like 3rd degree burns. These giants make you crazy if you don’t face them.

How to face your giant:

Write down an action plan: writing down a detail plan on how to deal with this lingering issue will help. Make sure you don’t jump from A to Z without even considering everything in between. It’s important that you follow through with all the steps that you laid down for yourself. If you skip a step, and you falter you will blame yourself. When facing giants you don’t want to play the blame—what’s done is done.

Talk about it: Sometimes sharing your worries, your fears and your fuck ups with someone you can trust can help you sort out your thoughts. This person may be able to help you birth an idea on how to deal with your giant. If your giant is too personal to share talk to someone anyway (about something else).

Express your emotions: I use to be La Reign of suppressing my emotions, and blocking all sorts of feelings. It hurts more when you hide your tears. Just let it flow. When I had my moment of catharses it was really embarrassing at first, but the endorphins I released as a result was glorious. It feels good to make yourself feel good.

Defend yourself: If your giant is an accusing giant defend your honor. Don’t let this demon be greater than you are. You are in control of everything that flows out of your soul, and your giant does not own you. Unfortunately some a lot of giants are a direct result of our actions, but look past what you did and look towards how you can change it.

Research: If your giant is something that you can get rid of collect all your resources to do so. These resources are the stones you will use to knock the giant down piece by piece. Because they are big in size it may take some time to destroy, but be patient.  Be sure not to throw these stones inwards though. You don’t want to destroy yourself in the process. I can’t tell you destroying these won’t have consequences, but giants don’t belong in our lives. Strap yourself up with whatever armor you need to fight.

Unfortunately for some these giants will never go away. They are lasting results of unfortunate situations, but take some sort of comfort knowing that you are not alone. Though they won’t go away it’s important that you don’t sweep them under the rug. Teach yourself to accept them. Love yourself despite.

Do you have giants that you are facing? Have you begun to deal with your giants? How have you done this? Spill the tea!

EN tout cas,

Me