Douze Janvye

I was not there but I am assuming now was probably the worst time for most, after the devastating earthquake. Those who were unconscious began to stir, trapped with no light in sight. Those who were stuck realized as it got darker, no one was coming for them. Those who had loved one’s take their last breath in their presence were praying that their time surely would come. No sharp object around to end the emotional pain that surpassed the physical. Those who were pregnant anticipating giving birth to a lifeless life or a lifeless life. 

Oh how we complain about what may seem to be a hard life, in our POV, but nothing compared to that midnight hour in Ayiti Cheri. Our beloved, Kiskeya Boyo, mother of the earth. 

Indeed, the load we carry is heavy and at any moment we may or may not collapse under it. But nothing like collapsing with an earth that betrayed you. An earth that promised to hold and guide your feet along the paths of life. 

Did you feel the heaviness of Ayiti Cheri, earth? Did you grieve along with her strife? Is destruction your method of grieving, earth? When I grieve, I repair myself. Why can’t you repair our beloved, earth? Why can’t you fix this? 

When I am depressed, everything just festers and disappears into my whole being. You, earth, your mentality is not supposed to resemble human nature. Your job is to support our feet. We are supposed to hit solid ground when we fall. But you, earth, you swallowed them whole. 

You swallowed our seeds and gave them no hope to bring forth life. 

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Sloppy Mondays

Today was by far one of the hardest days of my work life. It was heavy, intense and maybe a little stressful. I’m not sure I’m even suppose to share it with you all because of hipaa, but I will. Part of my job these next few months is to recruit English speaking patients with cancer for a clinical trial. This trial is a little different because all of our patients participating will get assistance. We are testing to see whether or not a patient that receives navigation with or without legal training is the most beneficial.

What’s the big deal you ask? Well when I go in to speak to these patients they have just learned of their cancer diagnosis. They are in the midst of falling apart, and wondering if they will live to see next year. The surgeon has just told them whether the cancer has invasively and savagely spread throughout their being or it’s just a small part that will either lead to a single or double mastectomy. Either way of course the news is devastating. Here I am after the grim reaper has delivered her news providing resources for this woman who you just can’t help but sympathize with.

Yesterdays patient toyed with my emotions the most. This recently homeless woman from Liberia with children back home and in Texas. She has no one in her present corner, and her body riddled with other ailments. Here I come strolling in offering my hand and she asks me to be her best friend. I offer my hand, but she demands my heart. Something I try to limit sharing, but this woman needed me to be everything she did not have. I spent a good hour in there mothering her, comforting her, providing her incentives if she promised to just eat 3 meals a day. All she wanted from me was my love, and I had no choice but to lay it down for her. She explained how she struggled with the little amount of money she received on a monthly basis. She reiterated to me how God was so good to her, and at a weak point I’m thinking really boo? But that wasn’t mine to take away. I accepted and believed it because I knew the feeling of comfort my faith brings me daily.

The kicker was when I asked her how she was getting home. She used her last $1.50 to get here and was to embarrassed to ask. In the end she went home with  a little more than she needed, and that was good enough for her.

This woman CL drew out of me emotions I never knew I had. I rant about poor bedside manners and not having even the slightest bit of patience, but boy was I wrong. I also learned to love instantly because sometimes all you need is for someone to carry you through it. Now I probably will not have a chance to interact with her again, but I am sending her so much love, spirit, light and healing vibes. Can you spare a piece of yours and join me?

En tout cas,

Me