Throwing out my life map

“But when they came to Harran, they settled there.”

    I’ve probably read this passage in Genesis where Tera is described to have settled in Harran a few times, but it never resonated with me. Harran wasn’t his destination, but Canaan was. For some reason or other he did not complete his destination and became stuck in a place where he 1. Probably had no business being 2. A place where his growth became stagnant.  He didn’t even try to finish his journey. I wonder if he had any what ifs.

      For the past couple of months I found myself in Tera’s position.  Life took me on a journey to a place where I did not belong. Throughout being in this place I became increasingly frustrated.  I did not choose this path, I did not steer off course and I did not look back. How did I end up being so lost when I had clear directions about where I was heading? Everything was mapped out before I hit go because like I’ve mentioned before failing is never an option.

       I found myself falling into old habits of being quick, rash and even a bit neurotic when trying to get back on what I thought was the right path. I stubbornly refused to concede and even change the road I wanted to travel to. Not once did I think, “why would you take the road that got you lost the first place.” I’ve also got a nasty little habit of not stopping till I get it right…even if that means beating a dead horse. We all know that beating a dead horse gets you no where.

       I finally reached a place where my back was against the wall, and I needed to go back to the drawing board. I was so upset, and feelings of bitterness and resentment overflowed. My heart was absent of the love and light that I’ve mastered and shared. I needed to start over, and I wasn’t happy about it. It didn’t even phase me that I would eventually get to my destination because the fact that I had to take another route blew my mind.

      I needed to let go all of that anger because I needed to think clearly to start over. I rolled my eyes and got to moving. Unlike Tera though my destination lies clear in front of me, and I haven’t ignored my call to the end of this road. I don’t know his reason for being stationery in an unknown place, but when I was there I was blinded and felt powerless. I couldn’t imagine not making moves to get to my promise land.
I don’t have any philosophic reasons on why you shouldn’t settle because that’s your business. If you’re okay with being stagnant and not reaching your  full potential–do you, boo. If the place you’ve stopped at is where you are predestined I would be leading you to failure, and that’s not my intention.  You also probably thought i was going to say something to the effect of going through storms are necessary in life or some bs with the same thought–nah.

Now that I’m on the right track I understand that there are some twists and turns when trying to get somewhere. I’m not okay with knowing that this may occur, but I’m welcoming them. Being angry held me back, and I don’t want that again.

     I’m so thankful that I’ve been given an opportunity to start over and a different map to follow.

Be light y’all

En tout cas,
Me

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Jessica
    Sep 03, 2013 @ 23:20:06

    Execellent post, J. I had a similar change in perspective and I’m so grateful for a second chance to get it right. Looking forward to seeing where your new map takes you.

    Reply

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